Take a moment to ask your spouse which of the following activities the two of you would most enjoy doing together.

• Holding hands while walking along an ocean beach
• Watching the big game together on your big screen television
• Sharing a bucket of popcorn while watching a movie at the theater
• Sipping a favorite specialty drink at the local coffee shop
• Enjoying a long conversation over a candlelight dinner
• Relaxing beside the pool while reading a good book or soaking in the sun’s rays
• Camping together to enjoy the great outdoors

Hard to choose? Wishing we gave you an “All of the above” option? Good. That means you have the makings of a great relationship. Couples should have a hard time narrowing down the list because it indicates they enjoy one another’s companionship regardless of the activity.  

An activity that does not show up on the typical “what we like doing together” list turns out to be one of the most important for couples who want to create a life-long, thriving marriage. What is it? Not something we typically associate with romance, it is strongly tied to marital fidelity according to a recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family. Led by David C. Atkins and Deborah E. Kessel of the Fuller Theological Seminary, the study showed that attending religious services together tends to create a strong network of relationships within the church that can provide social support to the spouses. Attending church together also means that an individual is more likely to hear religious teaching on marital fidelity and the general importance of marriage.

I grew up in a church-going family. My parents loaded all seven kids into the station wagon every Sunday morning to get us to services on time. In retrospect, I’m sure it wasn’t easy. Many times one of us threw a temper tantrum or overslept or spilled milk across the breakfast table 30-seconds before walking out the door. But they took us to church anyway. Now that I’m the parent loading kids for church, I find myself grateful for the model of a mom and dad whose love grew deep in the rich soil of a faith community. Church was where they heard how important it was to nurture me and my six siblings. It was during a sermon that the pastor told them to forgive one another’s shortcomings. Decades later the kids out of the nest, Mom and Dad still attend church services together. Thankfully, some things never change. They were never meant to.   

As a pastor’s wife, I spend more time in church than the average woman, most of it busy with people other than Kurt, but we try to make it a priority to sit together in church. When we do, we often end up holding hands while sitting close together. I can’t explain why, but the experience of worshipping together renews the bond between us like nothing else. Maybe it’s the reminder our marriage is about something bigger than the daily grind; or the realization our commitment to one another is rooted in our faith rather than in our feelings. Perhaps it is tied to something silly, like our knowing we should resolve any conflicts between us before walking into the church. For a lot of reasons, attending church together makes saying “I’m sorry” or “I love you” just a little bit easier. 

As you create a list of activities to do together during the coming months, make sure to add church attendance as one of them. Holding hands while listening to a sermon may not seem quite as romantic as holding hands while walking on the beach. But the second is far more likely to happen if the first remains a priority in your relationship.

Kurt and Olivia Bruner are the parents of four children and authors of several books. They host the HomePointe ministry at Lake Pointe Church in Rockwall, Texas. Visit brunerworld.com to discover tools for becoming more intentional at home.